“Well, I don’t know, it’s probably got megagigs in the RAM wires.”

6 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, and about 21 hours.That's how long its been since i've written. i believe i predicted that this would happen. i tend to procrastinate, or just altogether forget to do things. so i've forgotten to write in this for quite some time, and while looking for a way to further procrastinate studying for my midterm on the glories of STD's, i rediscovered my blog. ah, the beauty of it. nothing much to say really folks, or rather, i don't have time to even scratch the surface of all the things that have been running though my mind the last 6 months or so. however, in another intense procrastinating session, i did find the most wonderful website: www.crazythingsparentssay.com :) my personal favorite:

“Well, I don’t know, it’s probably got megagigs in the RAM wires.” - Dad, trying to… I don’t even know.

Much of the material is...off-color. but all of it is funny. enjoy. for now, i get to commit to memory the beautiful mechanisms by which fortunate people contract gonorrhea. wish me luck.

tomorrow, do better

it seems that every time i have to say goodbye to my home and my friends, it reminds me of how much i am not ready to grow up. this spring break was awesome, probably my best so far. two of my best friends in the whole world snuck me out on my first day back home and that night staying up and talking was one of the most peaceful, hilarious, and enjoyable times i've ever had. i can't explain how at home i felt. and thinking back over it and realizing that i spent almost everyday with the matts' for some amount of time makes me smile. i can't explain to those two how much being around them just makes my day. if you guys ever read this, know that i think you're completely wonderful.

i did notice one thing about being home that i wasn't so pleased with. i was amazed at how quickly i fell back into old habits and forgot all the progress that i have made over the last quarter. i was lazy, i was slobby, and i didn't invite the Spirit to be with me . i was disappointed in myself. after all the hard work i put into getting into the right frame of mind, to try to be the absolute best person that i could be, to try to be the kind of person that i want to be...i forgot most of it in the week that i was at home. i mean, i was at home, so really my mom took care of me. i didn't have to worry about the pressures of school, i had a car that i could use whenever i wanted really, all my food was provided for me. so i took advantage of it, and i never said thank you. 

i LOVE my mom. seriously, i can't think of a single person that means more to me than my mom. and the entire week of spring break, i didn't help as much around the house as i could have, as i should have. i didn't want to go back to school; being at home was so much easier, not having to deal with the stress of classes, having a a car and not having to ride the bus or walk. but then as soon as i got back to seattle and got together with my friends over here, it all came flooding back to me: why i love it here, why i love the church, why i know that i'm supposed to be here.

it was wonderful, to feel at home here too, but that's when i realized how fragile my testimony and my own self discipline were. i forgot all the work that i put into myself in 300 miles. but then when i was around the people that saw me through those hard times and were there for me and shaped me into the person that i am now, i can't express how thankful i was. 

i'm thankful to be here. yeah, i screw up. spectacularly. you name it and i can probably think of a way to screw it up; its a special talent of mine. but that's what's so great about life, that we're allowed to screw up! how else are we gunna learn new stuff if we're never challenged? all of the shitty stuff i've gone through in my life has somehow changed me for the better. no matter how hard it seems at the time, how pointless and/or cruel a struggle seems, everytime i look back on what i've gone through i can see how small it really was in the big scheme of things and how much i've grown from it. so yeah, i mess up. you mess up. we all mess up. that's why today isn't the only day we have. we've always got tomorrow. so tomorrow, do better:)

i heard there was a secret chord, that david played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do you?

there are some times when nothing can take the place of a perfect, peaceful song. seriously, i cant think of how many times i've wished i had a soundtrack to my life, to celebrate all the awesome moments and to comfort me in all the trying ones. a while ago i was talking with some friends about whether or not i would rather lose my sight or my hearing, and at that time i couldn't really make up my mind, but right now, listening to paolo nutini, jason mraz, and jeff buckley, i cant imagine going through life without music. 

of course i love colors and all the beautiful wonders of the world; im eternally thankful for them. but to never be able to sit back, relax, and put on Debussy's claire de lune, or dance out to The Scissor Sisters while getting ready for school, i just dont think that my life would be as full as it is. 

most importantly though, i've come to the realizaton that i can feel the Spirit of Christ most powerfully when i listen to music. when i go to church, as goody-two-shoes as this sounds, the thing i look forward to most is singing the opening and closing hymns in every meeting and class, and my choir practices are the highlights of my week. not only because i get to meet with some of the most wonderful people i know, but because if somehow, sometime during that day or that week or whatever, if i've lost the Light of Christ in my life, it is always readily available to me in the music of the hymn book. there have been too many times to count when i've desperately needed some sort of guidance, some sort of comfort, some sort of peace and we sing the perfect hymn that i've needed that day in sacrament meeting. music has been the medium by which more than one of my prayers have been answered. and for that, i am eternally grateful to God for blessing some with the gift of music so that they can share that gift with others. namely, for now, me.

Ah, terrible ideas...Don't you just love those?

I have a lot of poorly used pent up energy. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, in fact i usually look like i'd rather be off sleeping somewhere. But its there. promise. So, i figured i should try to be "constructive." For some reason, it made sense to me to start a blog. I fully expect to either get carried away and give way too much information, or to only jot down the occasional funny quote that i hear on the bus. And what is quite funny to me, is that i know that hardly anyone will read this, but i'll write it anyways. like...actors in a community theater. kind of. anyways, i'm feeling like this has the potential to be either a constructive creative outlet or an agent of self destruction and humiliation. it could be a terrible idea, but, don't you just love those?